So, clearly, if anyone were to stumble upon this page and notice the timestamps of the heretofore one and only post, it would be clear that I am not a blogger. I like to claim that it is because I shun the exhibitionist tendencies of cyberspace--I'm simply too cooth and self-respecting to put my personal life on display for the masses. I also like to tell myself that I lack certain levels of narcissism--that I am clearly objectively aware enough to recognize that my opinions are not worthy of granting prophetic status via the interwebs.
The truth is that I'm a lazy, terrified writer. While I love having written something, writing sucks. It's painful and exhausting. Given the opportunity, I simply stop writing right after the, "hey, that would make a good essay/story/poem/etc." moment. Unfortunately, in my little heart of hearts, I am a writer. And, despite my fears and utter lack of creative productivity, I find it increasingly difficult to hide from that reality.
Perhaps more detrimental than laziness, I'm also a pansy. While i certainly support the shunning exhibitionism as a general tendency, as a writer, I recognize the value of honest self-disclosure. Philip Lopate voices the paradigm I adopt (albeit, usually only in theory): In focusing on the honesty of personal essayist, I do not mean to imply that they are relentlessly exposing dark secrets about themselves. We learn more about their habits of thought than about the sorts of abuses and crimes that spice our afternoon TV talk shows."
Of course, self-disclosure--true honesty--has always been rather terrifying to me. I don't really like putting my soul, even a small part of it, on display. I suppose that is precisely the reason that I stopped writing creatively around 7th grade. Professional and technical writing allows the same play with words, the engineering of a complex structure, but it allows the author to divorce herself from the impact of honesty.
And so, after nearly a decade of encouraging students to put in the hard work to write and to be painfully honest, I suppose its time to take my own advice and actually start writing. And, in the spirit of authenticity and honesty, I will admit, that having a whole new realm of potential procrastination (yay, law school!), I certainly have found increasing motivation to escape into my happy world of musings and linguistic acrobatics.
So, i'm not going to make too many promises, but my goal is to post something...anything...at least weekly. We'll see how that goes :-)
:)
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